Relationships......

Relationships are like glass...

Sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.......

Building Fences & Bridges by Janina Gomes

 Not all relationships will turn out good. Life has its ups and downs and this includes the way we relate to others. But as we grow older we come to realise that some will walk with us for a short distance; others for longer, but very few will do so all the way. We form our own equations. With some we share familiarity and exchange confidences. With others we are cordial and polite.
    Real life is full of exploitation. What this does is to sour relationships and create resentment and bitterness? When we have learned to protect ourselves in such situations, we may have perforce had to build fences. These fences protect our integrity and individuality and help us to live life the way it was meant to be lived, on our own terms. 

 The protective fence keeps marauders at bay. Like a line of control, the fence may help us stave off intrusions. However, when there are fences, it is important to also build bridges. These bridges are built through give and take. They in no way undermine our integrity, but help to meet with others; sometimes even antagonists, half way. When we build bridges, we in no way surrender the values for which we stand. We do not forfeit our individuality and are not hammered into submission, not at all.
    Bridges preserve mutuality without sacrificing our own interests. They help us cross troubled waters and to offer our friendship when it would be beneficial to both. Think of the lovely village cottage. It is fenced in to prevent animals and strangers from trespassing; at the same time, it is connected with the outside world.
    Bridges help us to build connections and establish connectivity, both important in all personal and social transactions. In our professional lives too, we cannot work alone. We are part of a team. Where the team spirit is weak, the stronger have the upper hand. It is part of growing and human maturity, to come to a stage where we can be ourselves, still interacting with others, but shunning people who will not allow us to grow.
    It is often made out as if only bridges are necessary in life. But fences play an equally important role in our spiritual lives. Sometimes we have to hem ourselves in, like the flower buds that need the right moment to bloom.
    Fences can be built without creating hostility. They help us create our own boundaries. These boundaries are not only important, but often we need them to survive. There will always be transgressors. But, as we learn from experience, we get better at discerning which relationships are bringing us closer to God and which ones come in the way.
    There could be times when we foolishly allow people to walk all over us. We learn to deal with this shortcoming and become our own persons. In a hierarchical society like ours, where the male tends to dominate, the onus is usually on the woman to build fences. Building fences and bridges could come more easily to women who are by nature wired for compassion and understanding.
    A bully, when confronted the right way, may actually give in and come to round seeing things from another perspective. When confrontation or discussion does not work, distancing oneself remains a good option. We cannot always find an outer environment that is peaceful, but we can certainly create an inner reservoir of peace, which will remain with us, whatever the circumstance. 

Courtesy :  The above article was published in Times of India, Mumbai Edition, dated 27th December, 2011 on the Editorial page - The Speaking Tree Column. Its been years that I have got addicted to reading this column everyday without fail. This article touched my heart so much that I felt like sharing it on my blog. In todays fast  and stressful life maintaining relationship is a great task. We need to actually know when to build an fence and when then how to build a bridge. This Article gives an insight on the topic. Thanks for visiting by my blog.

The nature of a Relationship...

Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.

Right Relationship in life...

Life is not about finding the right person, but creating the right relationship...
It's not how we care in the beginning, but how much we care till the ending, till the last breath of your life......till the last moment of your life.... People may come and go in your life like change of seasons, but to stay strong like the tree is what is very much necessary with your relationships in life. People come in your life for a reason, for a season, but there are very few people who come and stay with you in your heart thru out your life. Treasure such people, for if they are lost,  you lose the essence of life, for they are your true messengers, guideposts, lighthouse of your life. Treasure relationship as sacred as our holy sciptures....